I am really friendly in the office and with vendors. To me, if you aren’t friendly back I just can’t trust you. And by friendly, I don’t mean unprofessional. But there are some folks in offices who are just cold as ice or downright rude in the name of being professional. Unfortunately, depending on the type of person I’ve worked for, I can tell you that being friendly isn’t always a plus.

Recently I picked up a book called “Pitch Like A Girl” by Ronna Lichtenberg that discusses how people think, act, etc. in the office. Some people just don’t want a relationship, they want to keep it all business and others don’t. The book has a lot of insights into working within that environment and being able to tell who prefers which and how to work best with them to get what you need. I highly recommend it!

In the past, I’ve asked for different account reps or to select a different agency because I felt I couldn’t have a trusting relationship with them. It’s not that they weren’t good at what they did, it’s just that I don’t like working with robots. I want to know what makes my vendors tick…what do they care about (even if it’s business!). I don’t want vendors that feel like they need to play a chess game with me (and to me that chess game is exactly what Lauren Kwedar
describes up above – Sorry Lauren!). Don’t change for me. Be yourself, be smart. Have the guts to tell me that you think I am wrong OR that you were wrong. But then again, that’s just me.

I think companies considering social media might be better off with employees who tend to fall into the friendly, casual, relationship-building spectrum. Doing the opposite might cause some difficulties. Mack Collier has a great post today on the Daily Fix about this…one of the things he cautions is watching language. Why do I mention this? Because tone has never become so important as it has on-line. People can tell a “friendly” tone from a “professional, all business” tone a mile away.

Thanks Lauren! Wish I could be there to discuss this over beers with my favorite Texan ladies!!

Beth Harte
Community Manager, MarketingProfs
@bethharte

A few comments and questions for you and the group:
1) As PR professionals, we tailor our client’s message based on the audience. We determine, either by research, previous experience, or perception, how to pitch our story, and while the main message stays the same, how we say it may vary. I approach every single one of my relationships the same way. I can’t help it; being perceptive is both a blessing and a curse. I don’t walk into a meeting and say to myself, this client likes friendly, so BE FRIENDLY! I feed off of the energy I get from the person I’m talking to and subconsciously tailor my approach for success — gaining a new client, colleague or friend; pitching a story to a writer, getting to know a client better so I can help him/her achieve his/her goals, etc. And I would guess that most of the people reading this blog are wired similarly. To Jennifer Wilbur’s point about the definition of “flirt”, if you’re not being genuine, then you have bigger problems than being thought of as a flirt.

2) Re: social media, this is a very interesting question. As I mentioned in 1), we tailor our one-on-one conversations based on the other party involved (because, of course, if we’re good little PR kids, we’re great LISTENERS in addition to being writers and talkers, which means that without listening, the conversation is not a conversation, but a soliloquy). But with the advent of Twitter and Facebook, while I may be saying something just to @cubanalaf or writing something on your Wall, our followers (voyeurs) are a part of that conversation, and as such, these social media tools demand one voice – yours. If you introduce another voice to speak to another fan, friend, follower, you’ll be outed as false in mere seconds. So you either have to be transparent or stick to the act you’ve concocted for yourself.

WOW, that was a tangential response that doesn’t really even address the question. I guess what I’m trying to say is this: I have a few clients who have sought me out on Facebook. I can’t deny them; that’s rude. I just follow my mama’s rules: don’t write it/post a picture of it if you don’t want it on the front page of the paper in the morning. If you don’t want your clients to see what you were up to Friday night, why are you talking about it in a place that is truly not private no matter how many controls you clamp down on your account? If you’re friends with a client on Facebook, don’t write a wall message or send an e-mail you wouldn’t send to their work account, and if you receive something inappropriate, you need to talk to him/her.

3) Finally, here’s a question perhaps for a future blog post, Lauren (if you’ve already covered it, my bad…): what about the opposite of this post’s topic? I’ve never been admonished for being too friendly, but I HAVE been called a b*tch when I WASN’T the friendly bubble-head someone expected. For me, this is the sexist issue I come up against; no one has a problem with the friendly version of me, but when some people are introduced to the firm, confident, no-BS and all business version, well, that’s when I start getting called names (to my face, at least). In my experience, men can be stern and it’s all gravy, but when a woman isn’t up for some friendly banter, she’s a b*tch. And I LOATHE myself when my knee-jerk reaction is to think these unflattering thoughts about other women executives. Well, I’ll stop hijacking this post and save the rest for when we meet for drinks next week : )

Lauren Kwedar
@lolakwrites

But I know that’s not what’s going on. To be friendly and playful is part of your nature. Some of my best friends are that way, I’m that way. It’s not a sexual thing, it’s a outlook on life.

Unfortunately, some people don’t understand this. They equate “friendly” with a come-on. Men and women. This is a perfect example of someone else’s uptight ways becoming your problem instead of the other way around.

I’m curious how your supervisor approached the situation. Did he/she categorize it as “unprofessional?”

This reminds of the time I was told that one of the reasons I was being passed up for promotion (in my early agency years) was because I drank my beer out of a bottle [that was handed to me by a client who was drinking his beer out of a bottle) at an event once.

I’m not kidding.

Don’t ever hold back your personality. Keep your language and sexuality in check (you know when this is), but you are you. Energy is infectious, and in a positive way. If you feel comfortable with how you’re handling it, you’re doing it right.

One – you should never change your personality for anyone, client or not. Two – I think the social media world definitely eases anyone’s thinking that a female professional should be less personable when talking with clients. We pride ourselves at being authentic & open, and those ‘tenets’ have been seemingly implanted in most of our minds. That being said, as businesses continue to evolve and show their true personalities, I don’t see why professionals, female or male, should ever hold back their own personality.

Let’s face it – being a man or a woman has an undeniable effect on business relationships. I’ve seen people overdo the “friendliness” factor to try to gain favor or win business. I’ve also been kicked off agency account teams because the client preferred to work just with the other women on the team. Some things, as unfortunate as they can be, just get back to plain old human nature or pre-conceived notions.

That said, if someone’s just being herself like you describe in your post, I would hope that supervisors/colleagues/etc. wouldn’t hold that against her. Or, at the very least, they would give her the benefit of the doubt. This is exactly the kind of issue that can spur crazy office politics/rumors/rivalries, turn people against each other and detract from everyone’s ability to just do their job. It’s tough to do sometimes, but people have to remember not to rush to any sort of judgment, even when they end up in situations like I described above. Rarely, if ever, is there any truth to the matter, so taking a deep breath and a step back is better for everyone and surely a lot less stress for you.

@JasonSprenger

Thanks for this post! I have often struggled with ensuring that my personality comes off as professional enough. I am naturally bubbly, talkative, etc — and as a young female especially, this can sometimes come off as flirty or, worse, ditzy. (Although I honestly think that I would technically “flirt” with women & men equally, since I act the same with everyone!)

I’d like to think that these warm aspects to my personality would be an asset (and not as in the “assets” referred to above!) because they help me build personal relationships with colleagues and clients, but I also worry that it could be seen as a weakness if it means people don’t take me seriously. I’d love to see more conversations about all of this, so thanks for your insight so far!

@ruthiegelber

Lastly (after seeing your tweet), I never viewed this post as sexist at all because I think both men and women have these issues.

Thought provoking!! Keep it coming.