There are a lot of great relationship builders out there. They walk around events with ease, chatting with each and every person – so much so, you can almost see that connection. Memory plays so much into this, and it wasn’t until recently that this truly came to light. Your hippocampus is the part of your brain that houses a memory, and Discovery Health calls it the “librarian” of your memories.
Being able to remember the little details – and be a detail oriented person – is key in relationship building. Those that only”see the big picture” see connections as chess pieces to help them in some way. Relationships are superficial, and therein is the distinct difference between a networker and a connector.
Your long-term memory is the section of your brain that plays into relationship building. It involves that information you try to personally retain because it matters, and you make an effort to remember it. Being a true connector, therefore, falls into that category.
Everyone has heard of the business card trick. You write down on the back where you meet them, what they do, why they are important. Hold up. Let’s put a twist on this.
I make notes about every single person I meet – but 24 hours later. I recall conversation, what we talked about and why it was interesting. This flies for even online interactions (I have a Word doc specifically for this.) I write down three things I’ve noticed about them. For Arik Hanson, it was that he has two kids, loves the Vikings (any anything Minnesota) and he’s usually in the best mood early morning (or when golf is on.) It not only works on your memory (I can recall anything I’ve ever written down) but it forces you to focus on the core elements of a person – what makes them happy.
Sure, an insane memory is helpful in more ways than I can count. But check out memory books such as “Use Both Sides of Your Brain” which focuses on mind-mapping type techniques; or even researching online for various resources.
Behavioral psychology and sociology books can also help enhance your relationship building skills. It helps to give one a keen understanding of how we react as people, and the differences between different types. It gives you insight to signals, comfort level and how to best interact.
So, try it. Remember a little detail and pick up the phone to call that person. Gauge reaction. Chances are, the fact that you remember something shows the importance that person plays into your life.
What do you think? How does memory play into your everyday life?
