Oh, I Wish I Were….. (Insert Awesome Person Here)

We’ve all had that thought: I wish I had that confidence. I wish I had that name recognition. I wish I had that *insert whatever quality you don’t have here.*

I was somewhat joking when I named this post “I wish I were Stuart Foster” because if you know either of us, we are similar – which is probably a big reason why we get along so well. Stu is the first person, though, that I’ve stepped back and thought “Wow, I wish I could be that blunt and assertive.” Dang Southern manners.

In the PR world, we are constantly around other people that recognize our work internally. Therefore, many of our interactions – competitive or not – are with our peers. It only makes sense that we evaluate ourselves based off the industry and thought leaders. Your definition of a thought leader is probably different than mine. I work with different people on different issues. For example, David Spinks and Kasey Skala are my go-to guys for anything under 30 – and just to laugh.

Something I continue to struggle with is confrontation and telling people exactly what I think. I tend to put other people’s needs first and address my own much later. Is this a bad thing? No. I’ve made it work for me and the type of work environment I want to be in. Isn’t the whole point of mentors to cultivate your strengths, identify your weaknesses and try to change? Many of my mentors spawn because of an issue I struggle with. Their intelligence and guidance helps to shape me.

So is it better to change something about you based off of what you see in others that is successful? Or do you cultivate your own strengths in your environment? Does the approach vary by person?

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Kristen Escovedo

I'm in the unique position to live with one of my PR mentors (don't worry, we're married!). Richie (@vedo) and I have very different personalities. I have always loved to be up front and center while he has preferred to work behind the scenes. I love talking and he is an outstanding listener. He has a driving passion for politics and I prefer the power of the pen.

When we both got into PR, something happened. During the past seven years we both come home and share our struggles and our successes. I've helped him write letters to send home during various crisis and he helped me set up A/V for special events.

But gradual shift occurred over the years. I started calling him to ask him to proof read my letters and help me write media statements. And although he has never once asked me to set up a data projector, he has asked me for help designing websites (unbelieving gasps from those who know @vedo) and publications. I've become a much better listener and he has become an outstanding writer (http://nextcommunications.blog.../), trainer, and consultant.

Our personalities are still our own, but better, I think. And that is how it is supposed to work. I don't think you ever "arrive" or get to a place where you are completely happy with who you are. That doesn't mean you should beat yourself up either. We all have bits of awesomeness and bits of normalness.

Not saying that you have to marry your mentor, but it don't hurt either.
@kescovedo
laurenfernandez

Kristen - I love your comment. I think the best relationships are the ones where they are your complete opposite. My guy and I are in completely unrelated fields - and he doesn't understand tech or SM at all. It gives him a fresh perspective on situations I struggle with because we are completely different. We approach things differently - creative v. logical side brain - and it really helps to see the other side of things.
kmskala

I don't know if I strive to be someone else, but I certainly strive to be like other people. If we want to truly be better, don't we have to strive to be like someone else? I take a more philosophical approach and believe that I am not perfect, I have room for improvement. With that being said, if I'm not perfect, should I be myself? Gettin' deep, I know!

I honestly don't see what's wrong with seeing traits in other people (@lulugrimm is passionate and stays strong in her personal beliefs). That's something I admire and strive to have. I think it's only natural to seek out others you admire and look up to and try to model yourself after said person.
laurenfernandez

That was kind of what I was getting at - do you strive to be like someone else? ie. do you see someone and think that you could use that quality to make yourself better? Not everyone is perfect. We aren't all the same a la 1984. Which, honestly, is probably a good thing.
David Spinks

One must always stay true to their values. You shouldn't formulate your individual actions based on some general image of yourself.

Who you are is a result of your actions and your decisions. Decisions aren't made for you, you make them as they come. One must decide how to approach each individual situation without letting what you are or what you'd like to be make the decision for you.

It's easy to wish you were like someone else, but that's usually because you're only seeing that person at face value. You're seeing the positive aspects of their life without understanding the bad. I think everyone has ups and downs in their life, regardless of their situation. We each have to approach each up and down the best we know how.

The result of those decisions makes you who you are, not the other way around.
laurenfernandez

What if the image that people have of you is not what you believe it is, and how you're staying true to yourself? Everyone takes something differently.

I also think though that you can work on a weakness based off what you see as a strength in someone else. Learn and engage with them, and figure out how you can improve.
Mike Schaffer

An Oscar Mayer wiener?

In all seriousness, this is a terrific point. Human beings are social creatures. We observe and learn from those around us. And we want to be like the people we admire. This isn't a new concept...look at little kids who dress up like their parents. This Halloween, how many little Spidermen, Batmen, Wonder Women and Princesses will you see? Tons of them!

Sadly, I've been trying to change my birth certificate to say I'm from Krypton in the hopes of having super powers for quite some time now. I'm no closer to being able to having super strength of heat vision.

However, this extends beyond childhood...when we can look at other people and say, "Wow, I want to be like that," and then go do something about it. I can very easily look at my family, friends and colleagues and analyze their behaviors and tweak my own to incorporate things they do that I admire.

We are the sum of our experiences...so the things we do and the people we meet help us grow and evolve.
laurenfernandez

I had that song stuck in my head all day yesterday! :)

I like what you bring up about tweaking your own behaviors and abilities based off what you admire. I think that is entirely possible. It's all what you make of your experience.

Go forth and do wonders, Superman.
Stuart Foster

It's always fun to be ridiculously blunt. However, it's more fun to just have confidence in what you are saying. Doing that is far more interesting then just being blunt :).

You have that Lauren. Don't worry about it. (Also thanks for the shout out!)
laurenfernandez

Thanks. :) Sure, I have confidence, but I also tend to bite my tongue. Sometimes it's a good thing, sometimes it's not. Trying to find that balance is key.
Jeremy Meyers

You can only be yourself, everyone else is taken. "I wish i was more..." sometimes implies "but i could never be", which is just not true. You can be anything you like, and if it is true to who you really are deep down, it will not seem foreign or 'weird' or unnatural.

So try something new, just once...see how it feels. You could always just not continue.
laurenfernandez

I don't think it always implies that you could "never be" something. It might be an aspiration - I wish for a lot of things that are goals. Sometimes setting every goal isn't productive, right?
ayselvandeventer

Hi Lauren. Just stumbled upon your blog on twitter. I definitely think the approach varies depending on the person. I also put other people's needs before my own. It is definitely important to learn the art of confrontation and just being transparent. Transparency is the key when it comes to PR or any other type of communications. I also think that other people's success can encourage or motivate you to be more productive or become better in your field. I think it is always better to keep growing in your field of interest and surround yourself with people that instill passion.
laurenfernandez

I definitely think I'm transparent, but I also know I really struggle internally with how to confront people. I always question if I'm going to hurt them or not - it makes me apologize way more than necessary.

We all have mentors and professional heroes - and I think that shapes the type of professional we want to be, like you described above.

Great comment, thanks!
Kelli

I've always believed that (in most cases) everyone I meet influences me in one way or another and it's up to me to decide how I want to handle their influences and to what degree they'll affect me.

With that being said, it's about striking a balance between the two if I see a quality in someone else that I wish I was better at (being more assertive, etc.) I have to know what my strengths and weaknesses are in order for me to make the most out of those good qualities I’m trying to adopt.

It’s also important that while I’m learning and growing that I don’t lose myself in the process –like GoKTGo said, everyone brings value to the table.
laurenfernandez

I like this - and I'm with you that people are a product of their environment. I also like your point about striking a balance, because this is my viewpoint. You have to be able to identify your weaknesses and how to improve them, and usually it takes interactions with others to do so.

thanks for stopping by!
Cassie Cramer

I don't think that you can change yourself based on what you see in others. You are who you are. Can you improve on certain qualities based on others characteristics? Of course but, that's not change...it's growth. I think the best thing to do is to evaluate your own strengths and see how and where you can improve.

Like Tim said, the most important thing is to stay true to yourself. You and your personality are an integral part of a team and if everyone was always trying to be someone else, where would we be?
laurenfernandez

I think you can turn your weaknesses into strengths. For example - my story of not being able to confront very easily. I found my niche in the association world because I am able to put others first - members, media or brand. I also think you can change yourself - say that Person A is always late, they can start waking up earlier. Get in a routine. If you don't make schedules but need to stay on task, start making a to-do list.
Cassie Cramer

I agree that weaknesses can be turned into strengths. I think that's part of personal growth. If you see something in yourself that you don't like you can work to improve it.

What I should have said (I'm post-coffee now) was that there are certain things you can't change based on what you see in others. There are things that you may see in others, like being outspoken or assertive, that you would love to be but are just not comfortable with. I think that's where you can't change. You may admire the trait in someone but if it doesn't feel comfortable when you try it, it's probably not right for you.
laurenfernandez

I think you're right - and there are things you shouldn't change. You might admire something in someone else, but then realize that it won't work in your environment.
GoKTGo

ooooh, if I had a dime for every time I've thought that ;)

There are so many superstars out there just rocking my face off day after day, but I'm learning more and more that instead of being jealous or resentful of their successes that I can look to them for advice & learn from them.

Maybe I don't have the gusto of some people out there, or maybe I don't have the experience of others, but I do know that I can bring value to the table...

So, I think you bring up a really important point for everyone to remember - while we might not be (Insert Awesome Person Here) and while we all have weaknesses we need to work on, we also have great strengths that we can offer to the community and so much we can learn from mentors and peers if we are willing to listen. :)

Wonderful post (as always)!
-@goktgo
laurenfernandez

I'm not sure if I would go as far to say it's jealousy or being resentful. I know I bring a lot to the table, but I am also always looking to improve. That's why I have mentors - ones that can help cultivate my strengths and make my weaknesses easier to handle.
Tim Jahn

I think it's a combination of both. You always want to stay true to yourself and what you believe in, but whether you like it or not, you're influenced by others.

Through the actions of those around you, you might notice traits you also see in yourself and don't like, or maybe traits in yourself you do like. No matter what, the important part is to stay true to you and work everything around that.
laurenfernandez

I think you're right, Tim. I've never been one to brown nose at all - so using this as an example, I might not think it's right, but many argue that it's needed. So do you blend while still staying true to yourself? It's a question I battle sometimes.