That First Social Impression: How Much Do We Really Know?

Photo credit: hitmewithatext

First impressions count for a lot. But, on social media platforms, how much do we truly know about someone? How much do we know about behind the scenes? We are so quick to judge people based off interactions and how they present themselves. It’s such a small piece of the pie, but man, people jump to conclusions more often than not. We see such a small piece of someone, and much of the time, social platforms are like HS. Everyone loves to talk, and if they hear something, they run with it. We don’t challenge validation as much as we should. We don’t research into what people are stating.

People work hard to get where they are at, but we don’t ever see how much work might go into it. We only see what you choose to put out there. It’s easy to make assumptions based on who they are, who they interact with and who they work for. People have real friends on these platforms, but it looks like they are kissing up. Someone doesn’t talk to us at an event, and we take it as a personal dig. When are we going to stop, step back and actually ask ourselves why, instead of jumping to the how?

For example:

Most of you will call me LAF. You’re not really sure why that’s my nickname. Even fewer know what my family nickname is.
Many of you have heard me say live each day, no matter what. A few of you know why that is – & my love for #5. No one knows why I came to believe in miracles because of connection to that number.
You all know that I blog about PR and social media. You might not know that I graduated just after turning 21. Or that I have a double degree.
You know of my insane love for the Packers. Some of you know my mom is from WI. A select few know the real reason behind my fandom.
You all know that I started #u30pro with David Spinks. A few of you know at what age we started it. None of you really know the reason we started the chat.
Most of you know I’m Cuban. Some of you know my grandfather was a revolutionary. Most don’t know how much he influenced my political and government views. (Not classy to talk about that stuff on social. Think of it as your water cooler. I can’t even count the number of posts, research, etc. that points to why it’s a bad idea to talk about religion/politics in the workplace. Yes, public forums count.)

So, tell me: how much do we really know? How much information do you have before passing judgment? Many people will mold themselves into liking certain things, or having a certain opinion, just because others do as well. Some of us have lost passion along the way. In a digital space, we’re losing ourselves. Why? Sure, we represent brands. But as I always say: “It’s X Brand with a Laura twist.” Your personality can still be there to mold and craft a community. So many tout that no one wants to talk with a brand. It’s a delicate balance, but as they like to say, a first impression is everything.

But are you conveying the right one? What are people really saying? Do you stop to think?

Let’s discuss.

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cloverdew

Well, first of all, I'd like to say, authenticity and intimacy are two totally different things. We can be authentic and genuine without going very deep. I can know that your nickname here is LAF and that those are your initials, but have no idea what your family nickname is. That doesn't make it any less true or give me any more sense of your deeper self. I know that you're Cuban, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I know what your experience of being Cubana is like. That's more of a topic I would consider discussing with you in a private chat, not on a public forum like on your blog or over Twitter, where just anyone could overhear us.

i.e. You might know that I changed my Twitter handle a few times, but the reasons behind it might not be clear unless we have a really close friendship. I ended up going *back* to the online handle I have now, cloverdew, which most of my Twitter friends think of as "new"... but is actually the online name I've had for over 15 years, since I got my first AOL account back when we had dial-up. Just a fun fact. ;)
Danny Brown

Quite possibly my favourite blog post out of a whole ton of the buggers that I've read in a while. :)

You make very valid points, Lauren, and ones that I've been guilty of in the past (probably still am, to some degree).

It's why I smile when I see the opposite spectrum, if you like. Folks that will jump in and defend someone, when I know full well the unethical crap that someone has just spouted.

Love is blind but the Internet often never ever opens the eyeballs... ;-)

Great post, Flerdy. :)
Jessica Griffin

Lauren, this post was great. I've been waiting for someone to get a conversation going about this. And I'm glad you got into the judgmental, high school type mentality that sometimes can be found in the social space. Because let's face it it happens. A lot.

I find myself in a personal social media "re-branding/re-inventing" phase. Part of that is possibly the fact that who I am was confusing via social media. In the last year and a half while some people thought I was consulting/freelancing on my own (which I was slightly) I've been trying to nail down a full-time social media job. Which thankfully I recently landed. But I don't think anyone really understood that. Only a few select people knew I was job searching. So its weird because I wonder maybe I was hiding certain information in order to not be shown in a specific light. Are others doing this? Are we all doing that on some certain level in the social media realm?

On that same token, I feel like sometimes I've tried to reach out to those in social media who I enjoy following, reading their blogs and interacting with and more than once I've received the brush off. (Back to that high school/judgmental mentality) I'm the type of person that is open to everyone, loves meeting new people and making new friends. So its never fun getting ignored which is usually the time I'll give up on that person. Maybe a brush off here, snide remark there, unanswered DM or email, etc.

And then why do we always have to draw the line at "too much information". I know that if I'm following a brand or even a person I want to feel some sort of personal connection. If I want to share a tweet from my wedding day, I should be able to. Or give my two cents in a professional chat one moment and share with my followers the fact as a new Yankee to the south, there are some things I realize are very different. So maybe I'd like to point them out.

Why does it have to be such a fine line?

And as my social media persona is probably very confusing so was this comment. So I apologize I think I jumped around a lot.

Interested to see the rest of the conversation. I feel like it could take off!
JayTurn

Great thoughts on an interesting topic Lauren.

It is a somewhat bizarre phenomenon when people are the most exposed they have ever been yet we continually lower our validation expectations. But is it all bad? Is it a sign that we are trusting one another more or simply becoming too lazy to do our research?

I personally think we are in an age of "I want it yesterday". It's not always bad but some people will always ridicule that particular attitude. We are continually trying to find shortcuts for the better, walking -> cars, hunting/gathering -> supermarkets, rubbing sticks to make fire -> oven's and microwaves.

In many ways we put a bigger emphasis on past experience than future potential. Maybe we find more comfort in experience because we can measure it. Do we back the person that is best in the camp at rubbing sticks to make fire? Or do we back the person that believes there is a better way to make fire and is trying to make it happen but is yet to succeed?
Vedo

Lauren, thank you for sharing your introspection. It sounds as if you are taking a serious look inward while observing the big picture of digital communications. I'm with you in the notion that we make too many assumptions based on brief revelations by/of people online. I wonder though, if perhaps it's not so much an issue of passing judgment as you put it, but rather how quickly we make decisions to stick around or move on. To me passing judgment has connotations or right/wrong whereas decision-making in the customer/community realm tends to be about attention and relationships.

I appreciate your conversation-starter.

- Richie
laurenfernandez

I went off on a broad tangent at the beginning - and what started out as a personal brand type post, shifted. I guess you can say this space is like that, right? I think decision making and passing judgment can be similar, and it's something we have to think about. Not every customer will be the same, and not every approach is the same. If you're truly building a relationship, don't you want to ask questions and talk - and not make those assumptions?
TimOtis

Lauren,
Very insightful post-- this definitely spoke to me. I'd say my biggest reason for not knowing many people beyond online social interactions is because it's simply a matter of priority. While I know the return on engagement might be pretty valuable, I have to consider whether, for example, I'd choose to participate in weeknight Twitter chats or play Wii bowling with my wife because I haven't seen her all day.

That's not to say, however, that I can't find time to building meaningful connections that would then turn into long-lasting friendships. But because the issue is time for many people, they jump to conclusions of others and their "agendas" in social media. When people are too focused on branding themselves, they tend to forget the fun of social media, and more importantly, themselves. What it boils down to is this: you really can't be anyone else but you because IT IS YOU. Don't worry about what others think, though I would agree to avoid political conversations at all costs.

And have fun with it! (Wisdom from @jaybaer)

Tim
laurenfernandez

I think priorities play a huge role - and I can't really say I have too many commitments past my dog. It makes things a bit easier, that's for sure. :) When I was in a serious relationship, things shifted a bit - but I also tend to go for men that are ok with only seeing me three times a week. I can imagine that would change if I actually marry a guy.

I think I lost my focus a bit this past year - and its not something that is easy to admit. Did I lose myself? No. But I was constantly watching, observing and reflecting about what I was writing. Is that a good thing? Yes, but if you get too caught up in it, you're going to start stilting yourself. I think it's easy to do, and very hard to realize that it's happening.

Thanks for all of these thoughts - lots to chew on.
Jason Reynolds

I love where you are going with this and it is something I have been encouraging for a long while. Authenticity and intimacy are incredibly difficult in real space, with the vast majority of people feeling alone and unsupported with a tiny inner circle. Social media has allowed us to be more bold and frequent in our self expression, but your questioning of are we more personally connected is so valid.

So here is my take on it... whether we are building a "personal brand", being an advocate for a non-profit, or "social media marketing" for a corporation, we MUST engage one on one in order to overcome our presumptions about people. More DMs and less @ replies will create a personal relationship that allows us to get to know people at a deeper level. Will we ever truly know people at a deep level? I hate to be a pessimist, but knowing people for who they truly are is more difficult online than offline because we don't have the non-verbal communication that is such a huge factor in how we listen and begin to trust others.
laurenfernandez

I think you're right, but I also know how that there are steps to make those online relationships offline.

I'll use Beth Harte and myself as an example, mostly because it sticks out to me.

We connected through a friend, and had a few conversations on Twitter. I ended up e-mailing her asking if we could chat further, because I really respected her opinion and thoughts in this space. I was 22 at the time, and still pretty green. The fact that she took 30 minutes out of her day to talk to me meant a lot, and that meaning served as a foundation for a friendship/mentorship that grew. That was more than a year ago, and I now blog for MarketingProfs thanks to her; have spoken at events; and we talk constantly. It's a weird balance, but one that I like.

It's not easy, and I've had to work at it a bit. I used to be really shy, but I'm not anymore.

Glad you liked the post, J - and thanks for stopping by!
Jason Reynolds

You are welcome! First tweet I saw of yours referencing your own site for some reason was to this post. I blame it on http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C...

I completely agree that online relationships *can* grow into offline relationships, but that is truly something special that is more indicative of a real chemistry/connection than something attainable in every relationship.

It is also fair to acknowledge that some times there are practical matters in play as well, such as age and marital differences. These prevent deeper levels of engagement beyond only online, professional interactions or meetups at industry gatherings/conferences. The ultimate goal of some relationships can only be friendly, business acquaintance. Starting out focusing on bringing value to them rather than sizing them up or forecasting future engagement is a more genuine way of approaching relationships in my estimation.

Reading some of your other posts and am enjoying your writing. No wonder you write for MarketingProfs! #goodstuff
Laura Scholz

Beautiful written, Lauren. Online persona is a tricky thing, especially in a space with so many self-professed gurus, and when people are too quick to make snap judgments or follow the Pied Piper, wherever he/she may lead. 140 characters doesn't give you a lot to go on. I try to be as transparent and "me" as possible, and at the end of the day, not everyone is going to like me, and that has to be okay. I also like to use Twitter as a jumping off point to get to know people better.

And don't lose personality--companies come and go, but your brand is what lasts.
laurenfernandez

Thanks, doll. I think it's all about accepting that I'm ok with myself. Will you all like me? No. That's ok. Do I need to change to fit your interests and likes? No. Do I have to talk to every single person at an event? No. The balance is a scary thing, but it's also something that few know how to execute and handle. It's easy to get caught up. But, at the end of the day, what are we standing for?

And if I can't answer that question in a positive way, I haven't done it right.