Using Insecurities to Your Advantage

Photo credit: invent now

I used to be incredibly shy in social situations – well, if I was honest: in general.

Ok, stop laughing.

Up until my junior year of college, I couldn’t even order a pizza because it freaked me out. I made my boyfriend at the time do it. One time, he threatened to not let me eat. We had a staredown for four hours before he gave in.

Never said I wasn’t stubborn.

I can be a lot to handle. I know this. Over-exuberance goes hand-in-hand with my personality. I’m passionate, I get really excited, I’m ridiculous and if I think you’re awesome, I probably act like a 12 year old girl at an NSYNC concert. High five party, anyone? However, there is a solid guarantee that you’ll be laughing at some point in our conversation.

But I’ve used that old insecurity of hating social situations to my advantage . I’m by default extroverted (which being in public relations has helped with), but am totally comfortable stepping back and listening to others. I am now totally in the zone when with people, and no one needs to know the past. That nervousness does creep back up every now and then – but isn’t that something many experience?

It’s a tedious balance that has helped me throughout my entire career. So why bring it up now? I use it in presentations and talking to classes because it seems I should have gone into a career opposite of public relations. But, I didn’t. It was the best decision I ever made.

Humility is something that many battle with -We are ALL insecure about something. We ALL have something to improve on. We surround ourselves with individuals who can help mold us and educate. We are only as great as those that challenge us – meaning if we aren’t learning, if we aren’t listening, if we think we are total BAMFs all the time, it will catch up. Don’t be abrasive when challenging.

I will, and never can, stop learning. There is so much out there that needs to be absorbed. Work in a job that makes you passionate and excited to wake up to everyday. You want that feeling of “Is this really my career?”

So, how have you used your insecurities to challenge yourself on a daily basis?

Dig what you read? Share with others:

oneforty

Believe it or not...whenever I do personality tests I actually always come up as an INFJ.... an introvert. I suck at answering the phone and I feel very shy in some social situations...but I thrive in other social situations, like public speaking. And now I have a job as a community manager, where primarily my job is to talk to people.

I think that sometimes your personality just makes you really good a communicating in some ways but not as good at others. I have a wildly active imagination and I'm great at going into this far-off place in my mind where I can create and brainstorm. This makes me a great writer, and so when I have something to prepare, a great presenter. But when I have to think of something to say on the spot, sometimes I'm a little shell-shocked. Hence, why I suck at answering the phone. :)

It's all about knowing your strengths and weaknesses and choosing your careers that will make the most of your best qualities in my opinion, because that will make you the happiest and the most successful.

Great post, Lauren.

- Janet, new community manager for oneforty (and super duper huge LAF fan!)
Megan Cassidy

This post really hit home for me, Lauren. I'm still pretty shy, but that's changing. I'm finding that surrounding myself with the right people is helping me realize my true potential, personally and professionally. There are still moments where I am the queen of awkward silence and not having much to talk about, but that just challenges me to find stuff to talk about and not be afraid to talk about it.
Kelli

This is such a great post. Being able to face your insecurities is such an important part to growing.
I use to be extremely quiet (I still can be from time to time) and the more I worried about my insecurities, the more they grew. I learned that its best I acknowledge the fact that I am shy but not think of it as a flaw. It took me awhile to recognize that staying in my box wasn’t worth missing out on great conversations.
seanathompson

Great post Lauren. Not only are insecurities a good way to keep yourself in check and challenge yourself. But if you own up to them, face them down and overcome them, you're left with a great feeling of accomplishment. I bet we've all felt that feeling before, and it's so worth the difficulty of overcoming the insecurity, if only in that moment. One of my biggest insecurities seems to be public speaking (weird, I know, given that I'm a PR guy), and I certainly haven't gotten rid of it. But every time I give a presentation or represent my biomedical research group in public, I get that awesome accomplishment feeling that is probably my favorite.
cloverdew

Like Katie, I think I have the opposite problem. I tend to talk a lot, even ramble. I often feel that, once I've finished, I've said too much, talked too long, or said something I shouldn't have. However, the flipside is: I'm open, honest, and straightforward. I say what I mean and I mean what I say.
laurenfernandez

I think that's the best way to be, though - if you're open and honest, you never regret what you say because you felt it at some point. Sure, you can regret delivery or tone implication, but it's better to let someone know then let it stew for a long time.
cloverdew

I try to be open and open-minded. If I feel unsure of something rather than have the evidence to back it up, I try to ask questions and provoke conversation instead of giving empty opinions. This *usually* saves me from regret of delivery, tone, or implication, but every so often it backfires. I'd rather have a big mouth and big ideas than be too afraid to take a chance and make a change for the better. ;)
Sam Ogborn

First of all: "I’m ridiculous and if I think you’re awesome, I probably act like a 12 year old girl at an NSYNC concert." <---- Really enjoyed this comment, and this post in general :)

I think I can find one insecurity I've come to identify with personally, but never publicly, so this is kind of big! Height. I've always been tall (5'9 - 5'10, depending on the kind of day my physician is having) and while some may see it as a blessing, my posture used to be not so great. In high school, especially. Ever since it's been getting better and better, but I'm so used to slouching around people who are shorter than me (and hello, guys who are my height or shorter) because I used to inadvertently feel like the odd person out. Now I realize that body language is everything, and that's been a true challenge, to stand up straight, because first impressions, and impressions otherwise, define who you are in other people's eyes.

So, not exactly a personality trait, but for me a challenge nonetheless. I love how candid you are in this post, so thanks for sharing!
laurenfernandez

It's quite possibly the best way to describe my excitement levels - in accurate terms, of course.

I think that even though some may see it as a blessing, they don't know what it's like on a daily basis. And a challenge is a challenge, no matter who you are.

Sidenote: My friend Jill would make me stand on a stool when we took pictures (She's 6'1, while I barely push 5'5 on a good day. She's the one that started the "fun size" quip)

Sometimes you have to be candid and give personality - because it really has been something I used to struggle with hardcore and pops up sometimes. Most believe you can't be in PR with that trait, but if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.
Sam Ogborn

Wow, that run-on sentence hurts my eyes...sorry for that. It must be my bedtime.
laurenfernandez

Meh - I had a run-on and its already 8 a.m. Time for coffee!
Scott Hale

The best way I've found to overcome insecurities is to simply say "yes." Tell everybody you're going to do something. If somebody asks you to do something that you're insecure about, don't analyze the hell out of it - Just say yes (ignore D.A.R.E class).

Sounds silly obvious, but the best way to predict what somebody will do is if they tell somebody else they're going to do it. It creates tension in your brain to tell somebody you'll do something and then not do it. (one of the many lessons about decision-making [aka product buying] that stuck with me through all the psychology classes)
laurenfernandez

Haha, I hope the 5th grader inside you didn't hear that.....

I think that first step into saying "yes" is the hardest part. It's the unknown. It's scary as hell, but if you get past that first hump, it gets a whole lot easier.

Thanks for sharing, Scotty!
Katie Morse

I have the opposite problem, I tend to think that I talk too much in social situations. Like you, I try to really listen to what people are saying, and am hyper-aware of how much I am (or I'm not) talking in a group or one-on-one setting.
laurenfernandez

Oh, same here. I think I've gotten to the point where I do talk to much, but sometimes it's a mix of "I'm nervous" and "Oh wow you're really awesome this is exciting." Being acutely aware definitely helps, though. :) Probably why we get along so well.