There are a handful of people I’ve met through social media that I enjoy bouncing ideas off of, asking for professional opinions or help or even just talking shop – you mentioned a lot of them above. But sometimes I’ll have someone contact me asking me to provide counsel or materials (beyond just a simple question) and I feel a little put out. I want to send them my hourly rate.

There is an exception – when someone asks me question related to PR strategy (as opposed to asking me to send them my media contacts) I tend to feel flattered rather than irritated. Perhaps we haven’t yet connected but they’ve clearly been paying attention to what I’m saying enough to value my opinion and that means I’m doing something right.

I remind myself frequently that people like Arik and Kasey and the rest of the people you mentioned above are highly sophisticated when it comes to social media, which means they may not yet have the very basics of relationship building down yet.

And you’re right about feeling safer behind a screen – I know I get snarky e-mails from people who would never talk like that to me over the phone. It makes them braver.

Some just do not adapt well to respect and communicating with others.

Thanks for reading.

These platforms just highlight the behavior of people in life — everyone has their idea of how they should be and actually are connecting with others, and there will always be those who abuse their relationships or behave falsely to make their own ends meet.

I think the hypocrisy or bad behavior is more apparent online because people feel safe behind their computer screens. Until you put a face and a physical presence to the name, some people will never get (or care) that they’re talking to another person, who deserves a certain amount of appreciation and respect. In the end, the abusers don’t understand that there are just as many repercussions for misusing relationships online as there are for misusing relationships in the real world. Maybe they haven’t felt those just yet.

Anyway, great conversation, Lauren.

I think there are a people out there that talk/act different around people who are thought of as leaders in the social media realm. How does one act around a Chris Brogan compared to how that person would act around me? I think a lot of folks try to interact with some of the major players and want to push up their own ego – we all want to be accepted and thought of as part of “the group”.

Also, I think people get a false sense of their actual relationship with people. They think because they’ve sent a tweet to someone or because someone is following them, they have a relationship. Like you mentioned, it takes time and takes more than simply following someone to have a relationship.

I guess my only addition (I’m tired and doing 80 things right now, sorry) is that I’m not so sure SM is any different than IRL. Some people are masters of being what they want others to see them as. I guess SM just makes it easier.

I think a lot of people are passive because they don’t really understand the platform or channel. They don’t realize it takes time, and patience is a virtue many don’t have.

Your second issue I think is one of people feeling entitled to connections, help, support, etc. because they have easier access to people via social media. PR students might see that you write a lot about entry level career topics and because they read your blog and follow you on Twitter they feel like they can reach out to you and ask you for help, resume critiques, job advice, and more. But following someone on Twitter or reading their blog, without really building a relationship or interacting with them, doesn’t necessarily give you the right to bug them constantly for advice, knowledge, expertise or assessment. You still have to build a relationship first before you can reach out and start asking for favors.

Moreover, it’s easy to fall victim to relationship asymmetry – where you may follow someone on social media religiously and know all about them but they don’t necessarily follow you back actively. So you might *think* you have a good relationship with them when you actually don’t. You can’t build a relationship by simply being a passive follower, like Jay said. You need to reach out, baby steps at first, and foster interaction. Then later, when you do need to reach out to someone for help, the relationship is there and it will feel genuine.