I love your blog! (psst… Or Not.)

LAF Note: This post was written by regular contributor Katie Wall.

Back in college, my roommates and I had a theory that “Reality TV makes people mean.” It’s easy to criticize a character in a movie or TV show for their flaws, but we would always seem to forget that the people on reality shows (regardless of how ridiculous they may be) are REAL people. We would then proceed to judge them just as harshly.

Sometimes I think social media is the same way. very-mean-girls

Blogs made it possible for everyone to be an editor, and things like Twitter and comment features gave everyone a voice. Now, no matter what you have to say, there is a place for you to do it. We are used to being able to provide instant feedback and join in discussions with people from all over the world that feel the same way – sometimes magnifying “the mean” and resulting in a sort of “social media flogging” when we all find a common enemy.

What ever happened to “If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all?”

As a new public relations professional, I’m realizing more and more that when it comes to social media, it’s about dialogue and conversation, using your unique voice and realizing that you are talking to fans – normal, everyday people – and not media. With social media we are selling engagement, not impressions… And I am a huge advocate for all voices being heard…

So, how do you keep the conversation positive without restraining the negative voices from being heard?

How do you deal with “mean” people out there?

Do you think that most people are actually trying to be mean or that their voices just carry the loudest?

*Photo copyright of reelmovienews.com.

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Matt Martell

One of the big things I noticed through analyzing web comments for a music and politics course I took in college was the lack of accountability. It's definitely different now a days with twitter and all that where your name and face are connected to your comments but on sites like youtube where you can create a username in a few seconds you can effectively create a vague persona. Some of the youtube comments that I saw were incredibly "mean" and when you view their information it is completely blank. So there is no accountability for what they say. Further some sites allow you to post comments anonymously which further masks identity and allows someone to be a little more frank or harsh than if speaking face to face.
GoKTGo

That's a really good point, Matt.

If you're going to be passionate about something and say whatever you want, you shouldn't be afraid to back it up with who you really are.

Do you think that there's any way to make people more accountable on the internet?
Matt Martell

In terms of administrations I like the wikipedia approach - user regulation. If there are enough legitimate users the ones who are malicious will be weeded out.

The other possibility I was thinking of is a more rigorous registration system which requires more concrete and real information. Tough part with that is I personally don't like giving up too much information because of the possibility of hackers or what not.
nicole

Had to come back and tell you -added you to my meme- Favorite Friday -http://www.prettypinkchandelie.../
GoKTGo

aw! thanks so much!!! :D

I'm truly honored!
karaoshea

Hi Katie,
Great post and interesting subject! I'm an intern at a public relations agency so I've been learning a lot of new things about the industry and social media. I think that social media gives people an opportunity to share their opinions with a broader audience than ever before, as well as hearing from a broader audience. Maybe because people feel they have this bigger audience that it's the time to share how they feel, regardless if it comes off as negative. I've also noticed that people are more inclined to tweet or post about things they feel passionate about (obviously), so this adds a lot of emotion into the mix, which can cause people to say crazy things. I think the best way to keep things positive is to try and consider other people's view points and if you disagree don't take it too seriously. Hopefully I can learn to do this and keep it in mind for when I enter the PR world!
GoKTGo

Hey! Clearly you're learning a lot already! :D

Great feedback! I think you bring up a great point talking about how people speak the loudest about things they are passionate about! It's true that once you have an emotional tie to a subject you will probably be more defensive or more excited about sharing your opinions!

And you're right - it's always important to be considerate and listen to what other people have to say!

Good luck with your internship!!
gingersnaptoit

Great post KT! I have delt with some "mean girl" bloggers myself, and it's absolutely no fun. On the flip side, you do meet wonderful and entertaining people through social media. That's the part I love. I personally have resorted to blocking IP addresses for repeat offenders. It's not that I'm against opinions different than my own, but I am against opinions that are blantently mean, offensive or just inappropriate.
GoKTGo

Thanks GingerSnap! :)

I remember that one "mean girl" that was commenting on your post - that's def. part of what I was thinking about when I wrote this post!

But you're absolutely right, the over all community and the *amazing* people you can meet through social media definitely outweigh the negative voices and "mean" people out there!! :D
laurenfernandez

I wonder if things can be taken badly because you can't tell tone on social media sites. I might just be acting snarky, not mean, but if you can't see expressions, it messes things up. Expressions and tone make communications. I wonder if we overcompensate the niceness because of this reason. So where's the balance?
GoKTGo

That's definitely a huge part of it - we're not authors with hundreds of pages to paint scenes and emotions - we're communicators with as little as 140 characters to express a thought, so we don't always have time to find the perfect words to convey an emotion.

It's like Tom said in his comment above, "the most emotions we can show are by writing "haha", "lol", or "jk" and our facial expressions are limited by emoticons..." so we have to be careful about how we interpret the tone of something when we might not even know the voice it's coming from.

I do think you're right that we can also be overly nice...but I'd have no idea where the balance lies...hmm...
Ashley Messick

Working in the nonprofit sphere of blood banking we get a fair amount of negative comments. For us it's been important to differentiate between between wanting to make a fair critique and those who just want a forum for complaining. The best way I've been able to tell the difference is by seeing how willing they are to take that extra step when I contact them. Had a bad experience with your blood donation? I would love to put you in touch with our head of customer service so that we can find out the details. Think our marketing within social media is wrong - could you suggest some alternatives or even some articles you've found that might steer us in the right direction? I've found a lot of times people just want a spot to be negative and although I'm happy to listen I also always make sure to provide a positive, kind, and VISIBLE response so that anyone else who sees their negative comments knows that as an organization we tried our hardest to respond in an appropriate manner.
GoKTGo

Thanks for the comments, Ashley!

The examples of responses you give when you receive negativity are super helpful! And you're right, it's important not to dwell on the negative but to stay positive and find solutions.

:)
nicole

Great post! I think a person can voice their opinion or disdain about what-ever bugs them without being mean.
GoKTGo

Great point! I think you're right - you *can* say what you think without being mean, I think people just get caught up in the moment sometimes and either react too harshly or read too much into what other people say :)

Thanks for commenting!!
Jackie Adkins

I'm proud to say I'm not a mean GIRL on Twitter :)

I have seen quite a few instances lately, however, where people have gotten into some pretty heated arguments (and we're not talking just heatedly discussing a topic), which has kind of surprised me.

One aspect I really like about Twitter and blogs is that it's so open that it allows others to sort of police others' behavior. To a certain extent if you say something out of line in a tweet or in a comment, people are going to rally behind your victim and call you out for it. I've seen some instances where multiple people not involved in a situation respond before the person the "mean girl" was being mean to even is aware of it.
GoKTGo

haha, Jackie - you're *totally* a mean GIRL! ;)

just kidding! I like the idea of social media users "policing" one another, or at least keeping one another honest! Also, I think you bring up a good point about how within the community people will stand up for people - even when they don't know they are being attacked.

It's good to know that there are enough nice girls...er, *people* out there that will stand up for each other :)
startabuzz

I think it's important not to confuse "meanness" or "negativity" with "disagreement". Having forums in which we can disagree, yet still act like adults, is very important, not to mention extremely enlightening and informative.

No matter WHAT you say, there will always be people who disagree. They *will* find their way to your posts. They always do.

The only time it's a problem, so far as I see it, is when someone says something that's blatantly offensive; there's no excuse or room for that. In those cases, the comments aren't adding to the conversation and oughtta be axed. Otherwise, they should stand and play their very important role in the conversation. After all, it's no fun if everyone agrees all the time, right?
GoKTGo

You're right, I think I might be swapping those words in and out when I shouldn't :/ haha

It's true that no matter what you do/say there will always be people who disagree...and you're right - that's what makes it fun sometimes! :)

Where do you personally draw the line on what is offensive? How do you encourage a client to not be too thin-skinned? And when you say that the it "oughtta be axed" do you mean that you should delete their post? Do you think that will cause them to continue to post or will they take the hint?

Thanks so much for your feedback!! :D
startabuzz

Clients have just got to learn that, like it or not, people WILL disagree. There will always be people who are unhappy or dissatisfied, no matter what. They can't take things personally. If an exchange becomes heated, maintain a respectful tone, thank them for their input, then move on.

As far as what's offensive is concerned, if comments move into the realm of personal insults or slanderous/inappropriate language, then I *will* delete them. Otherwise, I pretty much let things stand. If someone's just being argumentative and trying to get a rise out of you (or your client), the best policy (for me, anyway) seems to be to just avoid the comment altogether. Acknowledging antagonism lends credence to what they've said. Devote your energies to people who are genuinely interested in an intelligent exchange.
GoKTGo

Wow! What an awesome response! :D

I love this - "Acknowledging antagonism lends credence to what they've said. Devote your energies to people who are genuinely interested in an intelligent exchange."

Picking on a bully can make you just as guilty...it's better to take the high road :)

Thanks sooo much for your thoughts!!
Danny Prager

Really like the idea of selling engagement versus selling impressions. But, on some level, can't we sell both? Greater engagement can lead to more impressions. A great conversation will drive traffic just like great original content.

Great post Katie!
@pragerd
GoKTGo

great points, Danny!

I think it depends on the goal of your client sometimes.

Also, I think I should have mentioned that it's important to note that engagement and impressions doesn't always lead to direct sales...People may have loved (or hated) the Skittles micro-site when it launched this past spring, but even thought people were talking about it and clicking through it, did that result in them selling more Skittles? And for the nay-sayers that hated the site, did they stop eating Skittles?

This may be off on a total tangent (sorry, I have a habit of doing that...), but you brought up some great points that really made me think! :)
David Spinks

Sometimes, you have to approach something seriously and critically. Sometimes that means calling out someone. That someone might take it as "mean" when the person is really just being serious and critical.

So mean can be in the eye of the beholder...

Sometimes criticism can come across as mean. If someone can take criticism well, they won't view it as mean, but rather helpful and considerate.

I try to be respectful in my critique. Others like to take a more blunt approach when critiquing others. To each their own.

There will always be mean people. Usually it has more to do with their own insecurities than your own.

@DavidSpinks
GoKTGo

Thanks so much for your feedback, sir! It is always appreciated! :D

I have a few questions because I am one of those people who tends to be more sensitive to negativity - so how do you explain whether something is flat out mean vs. just plain criticism to your client?

How do you make a client understand that you need to encourage the marketplace of ideas & different schools of thought (whether they are right or wrong) so that truths will arise?

I think it's human nature to be upset or offended by the negative things, but how do you push people to hang in there when they might be one of those people that handles criticism well?
David Spinks

It has to do with your tone and wording (online you have to rely on wording).

That means, no name calling, try not to be offensive, no personal attacks, keep it focused on the issue and not the people, etc...

Part of building a relationship with a client or colleague is understanding how well they take criticism.

Regardless, when you feel strongly for or against something, then say so with strength and confidence. The key is to support your claims...show why you're so confident. You can't argue something if all the evidence is right there.
laurenfernandez

David makes a good point KT. You have to be able to read a person before criticizing. It's best to build the relationship foundation off a positive one, not negative.
Tom O'Keefe

Katie,

Omg, I love your post! Haha, just kidding. Really though, it's a very important topic.

I think, many times, we fall into the trap of conforming with whatever happens to be the "right" thing to say, do, or comment at the time. When people disagree with something and offer a different opinion, I think it's easy to misconstrue it as being "mean". This is not to say that there aren't hostile people out there that are outwardly antagonistic (Amanda Chapel comes to mind), but I think sometimes those disagreeing voices carry the loudest because they go against the grain. It's also important to remember that on social media (through any text really), the most emotions we can show are by writing "haha", "lol", or "jk" and our facial expressions are limited by emoticons so a comment that seems hostile, may not have been in person.

In terms of dealing with people that ARE actually mean, just be polite, respond to their disagreement professionally and move on. If they continue to antagonize despite your response, I think you have the right to ignore them or block them if necessary.

It's definitely a touchy issue, Katie, and I'm interested in reading some of the responses here.

Tom
@TomOKeefe1
GoKTGo

haha, thanks Tom. :P

I hear what you're saying as far as people not really *trying* to be mean and how hard it is to tell the tone of people's voices (fortunately I am guilty of over-using emoticons and exclamation points, so I think people can usually tell! haha).

But I also wonder if social media just gives people a place to complain, ya know?

Maybe it's just my eternal optimism that makes me notice the negative out there so easily, but I feel like usually at least a handful of trending topics are about something people are complaining about or hating on...but maybe that's just me?

Also, do you think that if you ignore or block an antagonizer that it can make you look worse or like you're ignoring a problem? Fanning the flames - that's what I always worry about :/
Tom O'Keefe

Good points here. I loved learning about technological communication (ie social media) versus face-to-face communication in school and I think your point about social media giving people a place to complain is a very valid one. People can hide behind their computer screens with social media and message boards and it gives them a chance to act in ways that they may not feel comfortable doing face-to-face. What comes to mind, humorously, is this CollegeHumor.com video (http://www.collegehumor.com/vi...). It points out that we say things on Twitter that would be silly to say out loud. Humorous, yes, but it also points to the larger issue of how we communicate electronically and how different it can be than FTF.

That being said, it drives me nuts, BUT I think people complain about things all the time, whether it's on social media platforms or in real life.

Regarding the antagonizer, I'm not talking about someone who simply, but persistently disagrees with you. I'm talking about someone who is trolling your blog or Twitter to intentionally bother or get a rise out of you. I think THAT'S when you have a right to block or ignore.
GoKTGo

Haha, I love that video sooo much just because he says "ROFLcopter" and I have always wanted to find a way to incorporate that into my every day dialogue :)

Now I understand what you're saying about the antagonizer...nobody likes a person who goes out of their way to be mean.

I think you bring up a really great point that I didn't really mention above - about how people are willing to say things online that they wouldn't in person. I've hated that "Internet Bravado" since the middle school days of AIM! haha.

I wonder how the way people interact through text will continue to change personalities...maybe people will just get more opinionated or more immune to what other people say...? idk! haha