The Professional Persona: Don’t Let It Define You

I’ve never been the type to slow down or relax. I can tell you the last time (and one of the only) I ever relaxed: it was December ‘09 when I took a trip to Boston. Pathetic.

You know, I love being this excited about life and throwing myself into everything. To me, it’s always been dedication because of the passion I believe in. I hate uncertainty, I like being in control of situations, and I can pinpoint exactly why so many PR professionals are Type A personalities.

I’ve been giving a few presentations over the past month, and all have come to the same conclusion: that PR is a lifestyle. It’s not a career, it’s not a job, it’s a lifestyle. It’s something we adapt to, it’s something our significant others and kids adapt to. (I’m pretty sure my dog has adapted to my eractic schedule over the years.) We schedule things around our work hours, client commitments, events. We’d probably feel as if we were losing a limb if we lost our smartphone. I once lost my planner for 30 minutes and thought it was the bonus scene for Day After Tomorrow.

“I have to tweet this. I have to answer this email. I have to pick up this call. Sorry, I have to cancel.” Have we ever stopped to listen to ourselves? Trust me, I’m guilty as charged. I have no idea how to operate any other way. My family knows the best way to reach me is through email. It’s kind of sad when you think about it, especially since I used to talk to my family at least 4-5 times a week.

I’ve let who I am professionally define me. It might seem like a good idea in this professional/personal branding blur. By choosing this lifestyle, we all made the choice to do this in some form or fashion. We measure success against our peers, those we work with and personal goals we have set for ourselves. The balance scares me. For me, it’s letting my guard down and losing that certainty that I love so much. At some point, that voice tells you to go for it.

Now, its time to find that balance. That realization that you can still succeed while being true to yourself. It’s easy to let your goals take hold of you and never let go. But at the end of my life, I don’t think I’ll ever wish I had worked harder. I want to experience life at its fullest. The simple clarity in life is that it’s too short to be consumed by one thing or another. Is that to say I’m going to stop working hard and being 100 percent committed to my professional self? Heck no. But there is room for more than one approach in life.

I love my professional lifestyle. Frankly, I always will, and I don’t see it changing. Striking a balance isn’t change. It’s about accepting that there is room for other stuff in your life besides work. Dedication isn’t about the hours you put in, but about what you accomplish in those hours. Life is there for the taking – so are you going to enjoy it or let it be completely one-sided?

So, you know what I say? Bring it on.

Tell me: How do you not let your professional self consume you?

Image credit: yeah happy

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Meredith Julian

This is interesting. I am usually the type of person who doesn't stop until something is exactly the way I want it, even if that means sacrificing time with my family and friends. I have hobbies and other interests, but I always have at least one thing on my mind that is work related. They understand because they are the same way. Recently, however, one significant person in my life has been challenging me to try things a differently. In his mind, a job is something you leave at the doorstep when you come home at night. His enjoyment of life is the most important and his job does not interfere with that. While living this way is not natural for me (happiness in my life comes from doing well on the job), I have been trying to see where he is coming from. It hasn't been easy, but I am getting better at leaving my phone at home (crazy, I know!) and and not checking my e-mail every 10 minutes. This weekend I even managed to go a whole day without thinking about what calls I might have missed! My work and my life are still deeply intertwined, but I am beginning to learn that it is possible to occasionally separate the two and maintain sanity.
janetaronica

Good for you, sweetie! I can really really relate. I've always been a workaholic but this job (a startup) has certainly fed the beast that always existed within. I really define myself with my career. It's not just a paycheck to me. I really am excited about Twitter and social media and I want to learn everything I can about it. It's easy for me to get sucked in and not want to leave the office, I'm often just more interested in doing whatever I'm doing here. My thoughts drift to things about work at the strangest of times and hours, on Saturday afternoons, on Friday nights...I can't take my mind off of it. It's all-consuming but I don't think that it has to be like this. I've recently come to realize that having balance in my life actually makes me a better employee. I'm not as irritated, I'm more patient and I'm more creative when I'm not exhausted. That's why even if I often stay at the office until 7:30 and answering emails until God knows when, I'm rarely there before 9:00 a.m. because the morning is my time to go to the gym. That's my one faintest figment of a hobby that I have and I won't give that time up for this job. It's not balance yet but it's a start...
laurenfernandez

I think the important thing to note is that it's ok to be a workaholic - if you can balance it with other stuff. Balance might not be the right word, but its about effectively using your time. I'm pretty good at that, I just struggle with being ok with putting it aside for hours at a time. My ex (who was with me for 5 years, so he can get away with saying this stuff) told me that he could always tell when I was disconnected and when I was actually focused on him. How sad. I wish he had told me that earlier than this week, but reality checks are always needed.

You'd get along with my best friend Bonnie - her gym time is HER time, and if you take that away from her, she gets cranky. Its for her to relax, chill and just re-group.

Trust me, you're not alone.
Jessica Griffin

Lauren, this was a great post.

I do hope though that you find some type of balance. I had a boss who told me (at the age of 25, no less) that her motto was: "Work to live, not live to work" and ever since then I've began to really live like that. I was always going above and beyond my duties in any job I had. My career was my life and I didn't want anything to come in between that. But once I slowed down and realized good things happen to good people (maybe not right away) I was able to learn a lot more about myself.

I see so many 20-somethings working insanely late hours, for frankly, no reason at all. They still stay in their jobs that sometimes pay very little and come with very little satisfaction. Enjoy your life now. I don't have children but if you plan to someday, I'm pretty sure (from what I've heard) life changes dramatically. I've loved my 20's (and what there is left of it) I've traveled all over the world and met really interesting people, got married (when I never thought I would), moved to a WHOLE different part of the country, left family and friends behind and tried things I never would have before (i.e. boxing & ate alligator!). I don't think I could have done that if I didn't take some time for myself. I relish in the fact that I have great stories to tell and can relate to a lot of different people on many levels because I decided that I wasn't going to make my career my entire life. When I stopped doing that, I found a job and new career that fits me perfectly.

My advice is take some time to do something totally outside your comfort zone and you will realize how much more you will learn about yourself. Good luck!
laurenfernandez

Wow, thanks Jessica!

I think I will - and like I said, I won't give up my work ethic. But it's about making time for other things that matter. The reason so many 20 somethings work that way? Their bosses instill that mentality into them. Ive heard many stories where VPs tell the AAE - Hey, if Im coming in on the weekends, you should too. Or, they see everyone else staying late, so they don't want to leave first. It sets an indirect standard, and Gen Y just wants to fit in. Its a cycle, and one thats hard to break once you actually act on it.

I think a lot of people could learn from your approach - thanks for sharing!
Paul Sutton

I'm going to have to disagree with your main point here, Lauren. PR isn't a lifestyle unless you choose to make it a lifestyle. It's like any other job: you want to work 60 hours a week, you can. You want to stick to 40, you can do that to. It's down to your own personal priorities in life. And that's a very personal thing.

Up until a couple of years back I was willing to work evenings and weekends as necessary (and when not necessary). But now that I'm a little more....um...'mature'...(38 is the new 25, BTW) and now that I'm married and have a young baby, I now want to make sure that my time outside of work is just that; time outside of work. Sure, I have to be flexible - PR and social comms in general demand that; they're 24.7. But it's about the mindset and asking the question 'do I REALLY need to work late today/work this weekend/tweet at the weekend' etc.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents worth. Take it or leave it... :o)
laurenfernandez

PR in the States is different in corporate and agency mentalities - for example, corporate/non-profit will only pull 40-50 hr weeks, while agencies will usually do more. They have a "get it done or forget about going home" type mentality. It's a standard that's been set, and I dont know if its fear of losing clients, wanting to do the best work or a mash-up of both.

I think you hit on an important part, though. It's YOUR choice. It's not anyone else's. You make your schedule, you decide what gets your attention. I think it's easy to believe that it's out of our hands, especially when you're still trying to lay the foundation and prove yourself in an industry.
Paul Sutton

It varies in the UK too, especially from agency to agency. I've worked for one where it was the norm to work 10 hours per day and I knew people who worked 12 hour days for weeks on end without so much as a thank you. My current agency, however, actively dissuades working late unless it's really necessary. What's great is that if you need to work longer or at weekends you do so, but you don't feel forced into it. It results in a better working environment and more content and loyal employees. Furthermore, if the office clears out by 6pm every night you feel more inclined to join them and go home!
shanezj

Reminds me of myself, though the answer to your question is to fine what works for you. I've found that Life has other plans for you and eventually there will be incidents, milestones, events in your life that will get you to prioritize and define who you are. It happens to everyone.

When the time comes the decision you make will define who you are - you may choose to become consumed professionally as that is what define you and that may be fulfilling enough. You may decide that your professional life doesn't define you and opt for family, friends , other experiences. I've seen people be happy on either side and I can't judge if one is wrong or right cause it works for them. Guess you've found what works for you.
laurenfernandez

I'm glad that you brought up the milestone point. I think many times, it takes an event to make us re-evaluate. For me? It was becoming unemployed. All of the sudden, the ONE thing that truly defined me wasn't there anymore. Well, crap - now what? is an expression that continues to run through my head on a daily basis.

It's all about finding yourself, what works for you and how you can succeed.
Nikki Stephan

Lauren,

Looking at the comments, I hope you can see you aren't alone in your struggle with finding a balance between your personal/professional life! This has definitely been a big struggle of mine, particularly this year.

My biggest piece of advice is to listen when your mind/body tell you that you've had enough. You'll know when you need to slow down and focus more on friends/family and life outside of the PR world.

Also, practice self-discipline. When you're hanging out with your friends or significant other, fight the urge to check your email, Twitter stream or Facebook...unless it's absolutely necessary or client related.

I've noticed that when I actually let myself step out of my professional skin, it's usually a much-needed breather.

Good luck finding your balance. I'm right with you in the search process. :)

- Nikki
laurenfernandez

But its so easy to ignore those warning signs!

Hey, I never said I wasn't stubborn.

My self discipline used to be completely shot when I was hanging out with people. Lately? I've been leaving my phone at home or in my car dashboard if I go out with friends or on a date. I'm trying to train myself - literally - and make a habit of it.

Hopefully, it will become second nature. It's good to know I'm not the only one! Thanks for stopping by and commenting. :)
Nikki Stephan

You're absolutely right - the warning signs are easy to ignore. I've ignored them plenty of times, but we have to do exactly what you're doing. We have to train ourselves to know when enough is enough. It's a work-in-progress for me...that's for sure!
Katie Morse

Wow - fitting post. Instead of making a New Year's Resolution this year, I decided to set one goal for myself throughout the year - let's call it my "theme". This year? That theme was balance.

My goal was to not let the scales tip too far in any one direction. Fair enough, some weeks would be consumed by deadlines, late-night emails, early-morning meetings and weekend work. But other weeks I'd make sure to dedicate to myself. Take a vacation, stop working on time, enjoy a dinner (or a complete night) uninterrupted by my mobile device.

Looking back at the year overall I think I've done a decent job of balancing my life. It may seem hectic to an outsider, but I truly feel like I've balanced my priorities in a way that makes sense for me. Shut off the smart phone, schedule time (and stick to it!) to see friends, go and DO things, travel, work hard, but rest. Granted, there are things I haven't done (like improve my actual balance by doing yoga at least once a week, oops), but those are a work in progress - just like the shape of my life is often a work in progress.

For me, it's about appreciating not only the big picture stuff, but the details. The work and the play, the active lifestyle and the time off to recharge.

Perhaps I'm taking the easy way out by saying that instead of viewing my life as a 100% and I can dedicate a % to this and a % to that, I tend to think of things in more of degrees. Or, the harder I work, the harder I make sure to play to keep the two in check.

Great post - and good luck finding your happy medium!

-Katie
laurenfernandez

I think if I start thinking in scales, I'll probably start worrying about my weight..... :)

No, but you're right. I think its easy to forget about the big picture, and only focus on the details. We get so entrenched in the philosophy of what "should be" that we forget about what we actually want. I also think its different for everyone else. You have to forge your own path, your own thoughts, your own "what works for me."
Bill

If you cannot value time then your ambitions are incorrect, I would rather have the time to play with my son, take a walk, look at the clouds, or whatever I choose, then the time to work more.
laurenfernandez

Exactly, Bill. I think its really easy to get so caught up, but you have to eventually step back.
MCafiero

I know the desire to attain a better job, title, income, etc. drives a lot of my fellow PR pros, but that isn't what makes me feel accomplished. While I do put everything I can into my work, whether that requires longer hours or trips away from home, I try not to overdo it. I shut down my laptop, avoid checking e-mail on my phone and focus on making real face-to-face connections, or at least having a meaningful phone call.

I know that I wouldn't be where I am without the support of my family and friends. I approach life with the motto, "Work to live, don't live to work." As depressing as it is, when I die, it won't be my coworkers at my funeral; it will be my loved ones. And I would hate for them to say, "Wow, I wish I would've seen her or heard her voice more often." An e-mail can't replace a hug.

If that separation, or balance, of work/personal life costs me an "amazing" opportunity down the road, that's fine. I know what my priorities are and I'm content with my decision - it works for me.
Brad Marley

How do you not let your professional self consume you?

Have a couple of kids. That will change your outlook on life real quick.

I know it's probably not the best answer, but it forces you to change priorities. You know, determine what's important, what's bullsh*t. That sort of thing.
laurenfernandez

True, but I can't blog about that type of feeling if I don't have kids.

However, I did experience my dad going through this transition - my mom stayed at home with us, and I didn't really see him for the first 8 years of my life. Around the time I was 13, he realized he was missing out on a lot, and cut back at work. Is it possible for everyone? No. Again, can't really have an opinion, as I haven't really been in that position. :)
mikeschaffer

I was very guilty of this for many, many years.

Working in sports PR, I tended to not be able to take a break from April through September, and then from October through March. There was always something coming up that **I** needed to do. Nobody could help me because I didn't trust anyone to do the job the way I wanted it done. Or, I was the only one who possessed the information needed to do the job properly.

After some time, you start to hit your groove. Things that took two hours would soon take 90 minutes. As you gain experience, things start to slow down. The more craziness you encounter, the less affected by it you are.

Basically, you develop a zen sense around you.

But that's only half of the equation.

You need to set limits. There are certain lines you need to draw and not allow work to crossover into. For instance, I used to run a big youth tournament, with thousands of participants. It was a 2-day event, which became a 4-day company investment, and it involved our entire staff, all interns and a boatload of volunteers.

One of my best friends was getting married on the last day. I drew a line and said even though it was my event, I trusted my staff to handle the last few hours of it so I could attend the wedding.

The wedding was more important to me than the work event. So I started my day at the tournament, got every little detail handled and spent a few hours reviewing everything there was with my backup. And I had a great time at the wedding that night!

While some of my coworkers didn't understand why I would leave my own event, I had no regrets. I drew the line and didn't cross it.

Draw your line and keep it sacred.
Sam Ogborn

I absolutely love this post because I feel like most people living the PR lifestyle aren't as candid about said "lifestyle". Either that, or they still haven't acknowledged that it's more than a 9-5 (even though they're probably really working 20 hours a day). I remember being a student and clearly not understanding what it meant to be in PR - these days I still don't know, but I have some idea being surrounded by people like you and others through social media and friends who have just started in the industry.

I think it's interesting how you bring up goals. I think so many of us were taught to set goals, fulfill these goals, go far and succeed with these goals and DON'T STOP until they are absolutely 100% fulfilled. Sometimes being in the social media realm, I've felt the need to push myself, even when I was exhausted and pushing myself was the last thing I needed. Granted, those times when you do push yourself amount to great things, but you're so right when you say you need to find that BALANCE.

While you say that you have to accept that there's room for other stuff in your life besides work - I think beyond accepting it is MAKING time. There have been times where I've accepted that I need to make time for something, but I'm so stressed to the brim that I still continue, begrudgingly, to get my work done. Nowadays I'm realizing the importance of making time, even if it is just to breathe, in order to help me find that balance and go back to work with a fresh perspective.

I really love this post so much :) And it is a great reminder for everyone.

How I don't let my professional self consume me: Make time for family and to pet my dogs, plan fun things ahead of time so I always have something to look forward to, watch the Bachelorette/Bachelor (yes, it's true), laugh with you, read my favorite blogs (which most are actually way out of the social media landscape), and drink a really, really great cup of coffee.
Colby Gergen

I'm glad you articulated it this way, because I've been struggling with how to say the similar message. Mostly because I'm struggling with a similar issue.

When friends say you don't spend enough time with them, or faculty jokes that you might as well be on faculty, there might be an issue.

For me, as a student, it starts with learning how to say, "no." And that, I am still learning, but at least I understand my problem.

This school year, I started playing by new rules. I use a cliché to explain it, but it works the best - "work hard, play hard."

For me, the saying boils down to one thing - whatever you do, do it the best. So whether I'm doing the best I can at work or doing the best I can at being a friend, I know I'm always giving 100%. Once I broke away from thinking that working was the only thing I can give 100% at, I realized that there's more to enjoy. Actually, I've more thoroughly enjoyed time with friends, etc. lately, because I'm 100% invested in it and my head isn't wandering off, worrying about a client deadline or class presentation.

Anyways, great post. Thank you for putting words to something which many, including myself, have a difficult time grasping.
Sydney Owen

I'm going to go ahead and say it: Skydiving has both saved me from myself as well as cursed me forever.

Cursed me forever in that, I'm never, ever, EVER going to work the way I did when I first started in Chicago. You are 100% right, PR is a lifestyle. Especially agency PR. And at the end of the day, the life I was living before skydiving isn't for me. But I never would have known that if I didn't discover something that gets me super-jazzed about life outside of the office. And that is the root of all of the changes in my life that are about to happen in - HOLY CRAP - eleven days.

I was content with the certainty. I was obsessed with being always connected. I would read tweets until all hours of the night. Read blog posts like it was going out of style. I would obsessively, compulsively check work email at crazy hours. I defended my "I work ALL THE TIME" mentality to my roommate who just didn't understand. He thought I was crazy for working weekends/holidays/late nights. Truth is: I didn't want to miss a single thing.

For those who can live that way and not burn out - I commend them. But I also feel kind of sorry for them. Not like, I'm-better-than-you sorry, but just more of a I-wonder-if-they'll-ever-love-something-else-like-I-love-skydiving sorry. Maybe "sorry for them" isn't the right phrasing. But for lack of a better word, work with me. I know lots of people have hobbies. I know I'm not the only one who has a passion outside of work. But I wonder if the people that are responding to emails at 11pm have passions outside of their career. I know for some people the career is the passion and there isn't much room for much else.

But if you're so wrapped up in what you do, professionally, how do you continue to bring the creative thinking to the table every day? How do you not get stuck in your "work way" of thinking? How do you continue to be the vibrant, creative, person-with-a-POV if you can't disconnect and recharge with the things that shape you, outside of the office?

Awesome post. Find the balance. Find something that gets you as super-jazzed about life as PR does. Find something that enables you to put the blackberry down for a bit - the world WILL keep spinning if you take some time for yourself.

Skydiving saved me from my obsessed-with-being-connected self. There's a time and a place for being "online" all the time. When it needs to happen, I'm there. But when it's okay for me to go live my life, I do. And I'm a better, happier, less-anxious person because of it.

Seriously awesome post.
Heather Buen

Great Blog Lauren! I was reading something somewhere, if my memory serves me right, in Harvard Business Journal magazine (sorry can't find the article now) about how we can never fully be in control or the master of anything because life or our worklife moves at such supersonic speed. You have to be content that you will never be the master of anything and that you are always the student! Even when you are doing nothing, you are doing something and that could possibly be falling behind.
Kary Delaria

Nice thoughts. Several years ago, stopped striving for work/life balance and realized that the balance is, there is no balance. That was quite freeing. The balance, like you said, is in knowing when to add other items into the mix. 36-hour work day? Sure. But, better find a nice afternoon with the family to counteract that.