The Personal/Professional Balance: How do you disconnect?

Posted by Laura Fernandex on Oct 13, 2009 in Gen Y, PR 2.0, blogging, chevis english, community, networking, personal life, public relations, twitter, under 30 professionals |
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This post was written by LAF regular contributor Chevis English.

I was in the middle of writing a post about blogs, SEM, meta-tags and Google (all things that now consume much of our time) when I took a break to watch one of my favorite shows – Grey’s Anatomy.38106_mcsteamy-is-back

There was a scene where an older man is talking to McSteamy and says, “one day, you are going to wake up and all the big stuff – all the milestones you have been looking forward to – graduation, wedding, having kids, your grandkids – it’s all behind you – it’s all over.  All you got is a bunch of yesterdays and very few tomorrows.”

This quote really made me think about how I am spending my time and where I am spending it.  Time is flying by so fast it’s scary. How do I make things slow down when there are too many things I want to do?

There was a webinar the other day by J.D. Power and Associates that talked about Gen Y early careerists and their behaviors.  They stated that early careerists spend on average, 3 hours per day online.  Now for most of us, we are thinking – “Just 3? I spend way more than that.” Even though we are in the new information age, I think we all need to take a step back from the computer every now and then and smell the fresh air.  We all have the numerous blogs we like to read everyday.  The numerous sites we visit.  Blog posts must be written.  And not to forget – work must be done.

I know very well that all of these things must be done and we all want to be successful and be great at our jobs, but we have to remember to step back every once in a while.  Go on a walk outside with your dog.  Go sit on a nice patio with your friends.  Sit on the back porch and read a book that does NOT have to do with business or how to further your career (I personally would love to finish Bright Lights Big Ass, which I started LAST winter).  Have a picnic. I don’t know what it is but just get out and do something!

As a person who reaches for her computer first thing in the morning after making my coffee, I am writing this just as much for me as for all the other hard working gen yers out there.

As PR professionals, we are always connected. What motivates you to disconnect? How do you balance personal and professional life?

*Picture of McSteamy from accesshollywood.com.

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  • GoKTGo
    Great post!

    It's sort of pathetic how addicted I am to being connected at all times! I leave work around 6 and before I even get to my car I've already pulled up gmail or Twitter from my cell phone - just in case I missed something in the 2 minutes I've been walking! bah! haha

    I don't have internet or cable at home right now which is good and bad...Good because I am not connected all the time (except through the limited internet I get on my phone) and bad because I miss being able to just kick back and watch TV to relax :/

    In college my roommates and I made a rule that you couldn't look things up during conversation bc there would be too many times we'd be talking about a movie and pull up IMDB or feel the need to google a topic...it's tough when you're used to having answers at the tip of your fingers!

    As for finding the balance or learning to be able to disconnect from work...that's something I'm trying to learn while I'm still young - I find it really helpful to talk to my mentors or coworkers who have a good work/life balance and see how they do it.

    I once had a boss that said "no one's going to respect you if you can't respect yourself and take a break from time to time..." I think advice like that can be super helpful :)

    -Katie
  • Colin Alsheimer
    Great post! 3 hours is not nearly enough time to get everything done in the day! This is a great reminder to step back and enjoy the aspects of our lives that aren't career related. After all, work will ALWAYS be there, no matter how much of it you do.
  • chevis
    Good point about work always being there. It is very true.
  • Sheema Siddiqi
    I can relate to this 100%- I even watch the bulk of my tv on my computer, so I guess that isn't considered disconnecting. Come to think of it, even when I am out, I constantly have to check my BB, which isn't fair to them. I am trying to disconnect more, but I am doing it in stages- when I go home I still check my e-mail, but I try not to check any social media sites. Once I have perfected this, I will try to limit checking my e-mail once or twice when I am home.

    As for going out with friends, I am making a strong effort to leave my BB alone! But I need more tips, so I look forward to the other comments on this post.
  • Sheema Siddiqi
    Also, kudos on the McSteamy picture! That man is the sole reason I continue to watch Greys.
  • Samjb
    I just ignore my BB when I'm out with friends--don't let it interrupt. I silence it, shove it in my purse, and give them the time they deserve. If I'm expecting something business-wise, I'll excuse myself and check it. I'm old enough to remember the days before all this electronic media, when we'd 'sit by the phone waiting for the boy to call' and think we need to remember that just because we're wired doesn't mean we have to be 'on' all the time.
  • chevis
    I am the same way with my blackberry. I don't even put it in my purse because it is always in my hand. I also watch television on my computer. It is good that you don't check social media sites when at home, because they can be so addicting.

    Thanks for the input Sheema!
  • miajackson
    I totally agree. I think that we are too engaged, so much so that we are forgetting how to interact in person. I went to an event recently, looked around and every single person was texting, tweeting or in some way posting online. I wonder how much time people really spent getting to know those folks right in front of them. Who knows what connections we all missed out on that evening? (As I sit with my coffee, reading your post from a twitter link.) Working on it.
  • laurenfernandez
    I think you hit this RIGHT on the nose. So much of our time is spent online, that we forget how to in-person network. I'm a big believer in the fact that this is why Gen Y struggles at networking events.
  • Tom O'Keefe
    Great post, Chevis and I totally agree.

    Right now, the house I live in has very unreliable internet. From time to time, I can log on check my e-mail, maybe send a couple tweets, and check a couple news sites. Many times, I cannot even do that. At first, it was a real challenge to not have the internet at my fingertips all the time, but as time has gone on, I've actually really enjoyed the time away. I spend more time with my housemates, I've read more books in the last 3 months than I have in the last year, and (best of all) I sleep more. I'm OK with disconnecting now. It's made me appreciate the time that I *do* have online that much more and, more importantly, truly appreciate others IRL.

    So, my recommendation? Set aside an hour or two every night to consciously be away from the computer. The key is to consciously and intentionally do it. Don't cheat. If you find yourself reaching for the keyboard, RESIST! Don't even check IMDB to see what other shows that guy (McDreamSteamTeam or whatever) has been in from Grey's Anatomy :D

    This way, you'll get used to being disconnected for a bit.

    Tom
    @TomOKeefe1
  • Sheema Siddiqi
    Great advice Tom! And that is McSteamy is the gorgeous man pictured above. McDreamy is Patrick Dempsey- you should go IMDB haha
  • chevis
    Thank you for the advice Tom. It's funny you bring up IMDB because Sunday night I was watching a movie with friends and we kept pausing the movie to look up facts about it on IMDB, which took away the essence of Sunshine Cleaning.
  • Samjb
    Excellent post. Ironically, since I acquired my BB, I'm not as tied to my computer, and feel like I can 'get away' more easily. I also pursue activities like bicycling where being wired is not practical and actually unsafe. A couple of hours cruising through the countryside, petting the horses and cows, and enjoying some peace and quiet really re-charges my batteries. Now if I can just figure out how to turn my brain off while I'm riding, I'll have the perfect escape!
  • laurenfernandez
    I think I need to move where you live - Las Colinas is too urban and the only animals I see are ducks in the canal! I'm so on the go, that if I don't have my phone, I feel like I'm missing a limb.
  • Cassie Cramer
    I feel the same way about my phone. If I forget it at home I have a very small panic attack about "what am I going to do?!?!" It's like I'm missing my arm. I'm learning to get over that but it's not easy.
  • chevis
    I also feel like I am incomplete without my phone. I would like to say I am working on not going into panic mode when I leave my phone somewhere but I can't. I don't think this will ever change for me because it is not just about feeling connected, but feeling safe. For example, the ONE time in high school I left my phone at home, I ran out of gas on the way to school. I literally had to wait in the rain until somebody recognized me and stopped to help. Luckily I lived on a road close to school where everybody had to pass by to get there. If I would have just had my phone then I could have called my mom or triple A.
  • Cassie Cramer
    Part of my panic is definitely the safety aspect as well. I always worry that if I don't have my phone something will happen and I won't be able to call anyone to help or be called if someone else needed help. That is my main concern but, I also feel disconnected and like I'll miss a incredibly important client email if I don't have my Blackberry.
  • Vedo
    You are so right. It is so easy to get caught up in the daily distractions brought on by a variety of PR issues. My motivation to disconnect rests with my wife and two kids. The balance comes from being conscious of the attention I pay to work vs. what I am paying to them. This is a good reminder to take that often needed step back and (re)connect. Thanks for sharing.

    For the record, I am a huge fan of Grey's Anatomy. The scene described above was great and had one of the funniest lines I've heard uttered on television:

    “Ah the golden years. Let me tell you about the golden years doc. There’s just got to be more to life than eating pudding and watching CSI. Now come on. Can you give a guy a working Johnson?” (yes, seriously)

    My wife and I write a weekly Grey's blog review, http://joeonthetube.com/2009/10/09/his-hers-gre...
  • chevis
    Ha love it! I was wondering if someone had watched it and knew why he was talking about taking a break and enjoying life. I will have to check out your Grey's blog after this week's episode. Thanks for the comments :-)
  • Stuart Foster
    The only time I disconnect? My morning run/workout and the 4-6 hours of sleep I get every night. Other then that? I'm always plugged in and learning. Feel like if I'm not I'm going to be left in the dust by other people.
  • laurenfernandez
    That is because you are a Stu Robot. :D
  • Kristina Allen
    As a 09 graduate, I definitely feel the pressure to be constantly engaged to add to my portfolio, make important connections to help my career, learn every tid bit I can from the pros, and of course keep my connections strong with those I've met in the past.

    The Internet, and SM in particular has opened up a whole new set of conversations that are going on 24/7, and as someone eager to learn I'm afraid of missing out.

    With that being said, the reason I put down my iPhone and close my laptop is because the relationships I have in person are well... relaxing. Feeling the need to be connected 24/7 is sometimes overwhelming, and disconnecting helps me unwind and realize there are awesome connections to be made outside of my computer screen.

    My goal is generally for my Saturdays to be as computer free as possible -- which is an impossible goal to have during the work week anyway. This is becoming much more easy now that football is back on!
  • laurenfernandez
    Kristina,

    I find that it's overwhelming to be connected all the time as well. Sometimes, you're just pulled too thin and I think 24/7 access accelerates that. So how can we combat it? Is it just forcing yourself to do so? Setting time aside? What if your job demands it - or to compete, you have to be?
  • Kristina Allen
    Lauren, the answers to those questions are exactly what I'm trying to figure out. Right now, I force myself to close my laptop and put my phone on silent on Saturdays so I can concentrate on my offline relationships.

    I'm lucky in the sense that my job only requires me to be online M-F --unless we have a special event taking place on the weekend. However, my budding personal brand has to be on point 24/7- I'm sure you can relate to the fact that personal branding is like a second job where you're always on call. So how do we disconnect when we're always on call? Very good question...
  • Deanna Ferrari
    Really great post, Chevis! It's sad, but the times I am most disconnected are when the internet or certain sites like Twitter are down!

    I have to take a step back sometimes and put my phone in another room or leave it at home. It's like a having a piece of chocolate in front of you -- if it's there, you'll be tempted to eat it. If it's the old "out of site, out of mind" thing, you're much better off. And the people around you will thank you!

    Deanna
  • chevis
    Very true Deanna. Sometimes if my phone is in front of me then I will turn it over because every time that led light starts flashing I have to pick it up. One downside of always being with my phone is if I don't pick up a call then the person calling (who more than likely is a family member or close friend) will leave a message saying, "I know you have your phone right now and you aren't picking up."
  • Cassie Cramer
    This is a huge struggle for me. Thinking about it, I'm pretty sure the only time I'm disconnected is when I'm sleeping...so about 5-6 hours a day. My Blackberry is never more than 6 inches from me. It's on my nightstand at night, on my desk during the day, on the elliptical at the gym, or in my hand when I'm out. I don't want to miss anything or fall behind and that is what I think will happen if I disconnect.

    There is one week a year that I completely disconnect. We go to our house in Jupiter, FL in February and for the first week I actually turn off my Blackberry. I tell my clients well in advance and continue to warn them for about a month before we leave. The kicker is that we actually stay for 2-3 weeks but I get shaky by day 5 of having it off and can only last a week.

    I'm trying to learn to disconnect more, to put my Blackberry in my purse, to not check my email first thing in the morning and right before bed. It's honestly a struggle but I need to step back and enjoy life as it's lived, not catch up on it later via blog post.
  • steveplunkett
    my job is from 8-5... sometimes i wake up early and come in around 6am... i leave at 5pm unless i am late.. i dont have my work email going to my phone and no one calls me after 5.
  • Kelli
    For some reason I think the moment I stop checking my blackberry and put it down something horrible will happen, like the world needs me to check my email as soon as I hear the ding on my computer or my phone buzzes. When you have the option to constantly be connected it's hard not to be.
    I'm trying really hard to ignore my phone (leave it in another room, silence it, shut it off -ok that's a lie, I can't bring myself to shut it off) when I'm with my friends and family or taking my dog for a walk. I'm slowly convincing myself that the world will not implode if I wait to check my email or twitter. So far so good...
  • laurenfernandez
    I think in the workforce, it's so accelerated and having to deal with instant communication, we don't know how to turn it off. It keeps happening, and it's a cycle we can't break. I think it's possible to find a healthy balance - you just have to find what it is for yourself.
  • Silver Vasquez
    For the first "real" year of my career, I was non-stop, pedal-to-the-medal 24/7. Work was literally devouring my personal time, and to tell you the truth I loved it. As Mondays turned in to Fridays, and work weeks seem to continually blend and blur together, I slowly began to realized the need to take a step back or risk missing out on too much personal time. Earlier this year, I had my first child - and have really come to understand how precious time away from work really is and vice versa.

    Now, I schedule my week (M-F) to maxmize my time at and away from home. On the weekend, I shut it down (as much as I can). This means no tweeting, minimizing research and only looking at the Blackberry every few hours. Each of my jobs (Dad and employee) are two huge components that make me who I am. By dedicating ample time to each, it has definitely made me a better me.
  • Mike Schaffer
    I love music. While loud, amped-up arena spectacles, where the base rattles your bones, are awesome, isn't there something absolutely incredible about an "unplugged" acoustic show? Taking some time away from the crazy, frenetic pace of day-to-day concerts can give you an entirely new perspective and appreciation for an artist. (No artist shows this better than Korn. Their high-energy music was great, but I never really liked them all that much until I bought their MTV Unplugged album.)

    The same principle applies here, as you've outlined.

    No lie, it's HARD to do that in the age we live in, where connectivity is in your pocket.

    My best tip is to be in the NOW. When you are having dinner, have dinner. When you are on the phone with a friend, be on the phone with them. We love to multi-task, but when it comes to taking a mental break, even for just a few moments, have a single-tracked mind.
  • JennaTuttle
    Mike, I really like your post, and I completely agree with your tip. Although it is extremely difficult to disconnect from the world for a little bit every night, I think it is so important. I personally cannot function without having time to catch up with a friend via the phone or eat dinner with my roommates and talk about nothing. I have to have time to "recharge" and take a mental break from the world. Stop multi-tasking and just live in the now :)
  • Abby
    I think this is great advice. If I'm not online via computer, I have to check stuff out online on my phone. I feel so disconnected otherwise. It's kind of a little circle of stress - if I'm not connected, I'm stressed because I might be missing something "important," but then I feel overwhelmed when I do get online because there's so much to get caught up on, especially when it comes to Google Reader - ugh.

    I've also noticed that when going out to eat with friends, everyone seems to leave their phones out on the table now. I mean, what's the point of putting them in pockets or purses when we need to check them every five minutes, right? I try to leave mine alone, but sometimes I can't resist the quick update. In my defense, most of my purses are big, some without much-needed pockets, and I hate digging around to try to find my phone (excuses).

    I also laughed because I just finished "Bright Lights, Big Ass" this weekend. :)

    @abschoff
  • robertinnis
    I do feel that you gotta get back in touch with yourself every now and then instead of being in touch with the world.
    I usually keep my phone in other rooms and my emails closed on some days.
  • Michelle Salater
    This is an ongoing challenge, and what works for me is making myself leave the office at least once during working hours. It doesn't matter why or how long, I have got to get up and get out. I also make myself literally set a time to shut off the computer, or I'll stay on it for hours even after my work is done.
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